1
It is a rainy day of summer in Kolkata. ‘A
rainy day of summer’ may sound confusing but what can we say about a sudden
heavy rain in a day of May in Kolkata? Jiah thinks the same. She has to leave
her office early, she needs to go home. But the anomalous rain made her stuck
in the office and forced her to watch the drenched sight of the city from her
cabin window. Though she often appreciates the view from eighteenth floor above,
but right now her mind doesn’t approve her to praise her luck above the height.
Even her favourite self-made cappuccino couldn’t comfort her, though three cups have
finished already and she is looking for the fourth.
‘You
couldn’t make it on time, you can try, but I know you just can’t’….the words are haunting in her brain like wild bees. ‘Argh’, Jiah
stands from her comfortable black leather office chair and walks straight to
the window. ‘How injustice!’ she shouts in her brain. Though she doesn’t
believe in God, she wishes she did. ‘At least I did have someone to blame for
the delay, which was certainly not my fault.’
‘Really?
Are you trying to tell that you have sincere intension to return early today…or
if it’s better to say, tonight?’
Jiah runs her fingers of right hand through
her silk-smooth brownish hair, currently tied in a ponytail, in exasperation.
She can’t believe herself, even in thought she can not remove Aman !
‘Certainly
not, Jiah. You can’t do it, the more you try, the less you can’
‘I can’t believe this, this can’t happen to
me’ Jiah tries to be reason with her thoughts. But they are still running like
pony and though her fourth cup of coffee is going to be finished she doesn’t
get any solution to her problem.
PROBLEM …here’s the word, that makes Jiah’s
32years’ span of life’s main spine, well, as she describes it, but others find
it difficult to agree with her. They just can’t believe what else can a woman want
from her life? Jiah--the young, beautiful, chief journal editor of a renowned
entertainment magazine, who has a striking career, only at the age of 32, who
also has a picture perfect conjugal life with a similar successful business
leader of some group industries, Aman Roy. What else she can want from her
life?
‘What
else you want from me, Jiah? Tell me…for God’s sake’
Jiah laughs at this particular thought. Even
after six years of marriage, and knowing Aman so closely, she loves to see Aman
such helpless, as she knows, how much Aman hates to be seen like that in front
of her. Jiah knows, Aman doesn’t want to recognize her work, but unfortunately
he has to. This is enough defeat to his ego, though he never ever admit it, but
Jiah knows, he, himself can’t ignore Jiah, like Anu. Jiah laughs again. Her
very own face-splitting all –teeth smile, shown in the clean glassy wall of her
cabin-window. She stares at the design, made by the drops of rain, and bites
her finger. ‘How can I go to home?’ she thinks, ‘everything is being covered by
the long white rain, I could be in trouble even in the car’, Jiah has a wish to
jump and reach home, just like some superhero stuff. She moves to call her
driver and her phone rings. Jiah is not surprised, in her unconscious she is
expecting this call. It is from Aman.
“God Jiah! Where were you? Where are you? I
have called….I have been calling you…”
“I know Aman. I couldn’t answer. I was in a
meeting.” Jiah cuts Aman’s shout mid-way with her ice-cold soprano and she can
see the suppressed anger in Aman’s beautiful face, which makes Jiah’s smile
broader even in the crisis.
“Yeah, Yeah, I know. I know Jiah, you and
your meeting…just tell me can you reach home within 8:00? Or I have to arrange
something else?”
“Can’t you see the rain Aman, or it’s been
raining only here?” Jiah can’t hide the irritation in her voice, “off course I
am coming. I am also trying to find a way out. I have been ready to go home too
Aman, I want to. After all Sara is my child!”
“She’s not Jiah. We know the truth. You know
the truth and you believe it. Don’t you? If you didn’t, you will be at home
today. You will not be in your damn office,”
“But Aman, today’s an important day for the
office…you know that….”
“Today is Sara’s birthday too Jiah and it is
more important…it should be more important…don’t you think so? I can manage my
all work. But you can’t. You know why? Sara is not your own child and you have
proved it once again.”
“No Aman! It is not true. I …..” Jiah
realizes the connection has been lost. Aman cut the line .She knows it. This is
Aman’s favorite weapon against her. He used it every time to make Jiah wounded
and he will use it to fetch her blood from her heart. Jiah rests her head
against the cold marble wall besides her cabin-window and closes her eyes. It’s
been seven years now. Her eyes flip open, Jiah doesn’t know, or it is better to
say she doesn’t want to. She was being tired to make things proper, to make
Aman happy, and to get to him, to realize his thought, his necessity.
“You
couldn’t Jiah, Aman is just like a mystery. I tried and failed. I didn’t even
get closer to him, though I am the mother of his child, still I didn’t
understand him, you think, you can?”
Jiah can’t stand anymore. She clasps her
both palms, “why they are all coming back again? What was my fault? What is my
fault?” she considers in her mind, “situation was not in my hand, and it is not
now.” She walks straight to the window. Rain is showering like some huge waterfalls and the stormy wind passing like giant’s whistle. Jiah stares
through her all-glass window. She doesn’t know why, but whenever she looks to
such weather, she seems to have a connection with it. “Like my own life, which
never ever let me do things as per my own choice”, Jiah thinks bitterly. Her
sculpted curvy full-grown lips twitched at the thought and her carefully
plucked brows creased. She returns to her table and office chair and allows her
head to rest over the chair’s head. All she now wants is to go home, to have
fun with Sara, her child. Jiah feels a certain lump in her thorat, Aman is
right, she is not Sara’s birth-mother but didn’t she bring up the child from
her one months’ age? Apart from Sara, is there any cause to marry Aman?
“power,
position, money, the wholesome of that kind of lifestyle that you dreamt of
Jiah. That kind of lifestyle that Neel couldn’t give you, at least he needed
some time to make himself that able and you did not want to wait.”
“no..
no.. this not the whole truth, I kept my promise, I am keeping my promise.”
Jiah
can’t stop her continuous thought-chain. She knows in her heart that she doesn’t
forgive herself.
Neel didn’t say anything to her. He just
walked away. No, no, not him. It was Jiah, who walked away. It was her, who
broke the vow. Seven years passed but Jiah remember every moments of that day.
It was a spring evening. Colors were everywhere; Neel was waiting for her under
the red-and-yellow Gulmohar trees, their usual meeting point. Though they
didn’t meet very frequent last one year, because Jiah was not sure what to do,
but as yesterday she called Neel and wanted to meet him, Neel couldn’t refuse her
as he could not turn down Jiah’s any smallest wish. And Jiah took the
advantage. She went straight to him, said whatever she planned to say, and took
a straight turn. She didn’t even bother about Neel’s feelings, neither had she
wanted to know, if he had something to say or not. And Neel did not stop her. But
a little corner of her heart was expecting to be called by Neel.
“Madam, can I come in?”
Jiah almost jumps in her seat. She thinks
for a second, it is Neel.
“Madam?” Suresh asks once again. He is
knocking repeatedly at her cabin’s door.
“Yes, come in.” Jiah controls herself,
collects her scattered thoughts and sits properly in her chair. She can’t make
herself weak now, she is the boss here and Suresh is her junior fellow. She
can’t let him see the minimum trace of weakness. Jiah wears her professional
mask, her very own charismatic ‘oh-so-Jiah’ attitude, in seconds. Suresh sees
his usual boss staring at her office laptop, as usual.
“Yes, Gupta?” Jiah asks him, after making
him wait for a few minutes. This is the rule, which she maintains very strictly
with her juniors.
Keep
them wait. They are there to serve you, to serve your institution. Don’t be
personal with them. Don’t address them with their name and make them feel that
you are the boss. That is the rule.
Aman injected the rule very much in her. Jiah
doesn’t know now, if she can detach herself from Aman, any day.
Do you
want to?
A hissing voice asks her very softly to make
her startle. She forgot it.
No! Certainly not! You did not forget, you
buried me! You did not forget, you forced yourself to forget me.
It whispers again.
Suresh is saying something. But Jiah can’t
hear him. Only thing she can understand, he is saying something about the rain.
Something about returning home. ‘H-O-M-E’…. Jiah can recognize the word. There
is something in it. She has to go home. She has to listen to Suresh. Jiah makes
her best effort to make sense with her nerves to listen to her junior. But,
what is he saying? And why Suresh has come to inform her about her car and
returning home? Jiah concentrates hard.
“Madam, rain has stopped. Sir called three
times in my mobile. He found your’s switched off. Your car is ready Madam. You
can go home now, if you want to.”
Jiah can’t believe her ears. Aman called
Suresh? Jiah checks her mobile. It is not switched off. Blood boils rapidly in
her brain, in her whole body. Aman wants to check. He is verifying Jiah’s word.
As he does not believe Jiah.
“Madam?” Suresh asks again. Jiah wants to
slap this stupid, but she knows in her heart whom actually she wants to hit.
She knows it also that Suresh is doing his duty only. Aman is his boss also,
this company is Aman’s, a little one among his two more biggies. He made Jiah
it’s head, that’s why Jiah can enjoy the luxury. No matter how much Jiah works
for it, no matter how much she gave her effort to make the company a big one,
it will be always Aman’s. This is the fact and Aman will not allow anyone, along
with Jiah to forget the fact. He can do anything for it.
Jiah collects her accessories. Suresh gets
his indication and rushes to arrange the car for his boss.
2
Sara is standing in her room, beautifully
dressed in her white and pink birthday frock. Sara is waiting for her mother,
for Jiah. She is not ready to go downstairs without her. Though, she knows
everyone is waiting for her to come to them, to cut the cake, to enjoy with
them, Sara knows, her papa also wants that, after all he is doing everything.
But Sara only wants her mother. What can she do? Nothing. What can she do now,
when she feels the tremendous crying inside her little body?
“Sara? S-a-r-a”, Anima enters her room “here
you are, baby? You should come with me…everyone is waiting for you…chalo
bachhi, come with me.” Anima tries to pull Sara by her hands, but she strongly
refuses to go by freeing herself forcibly.” Sara, come with me beta, everyone
is waiting, papa, granny, your friends, everyone is waiting for you, come with
me shona” Anima tries once again but Sara stand stubbornly.
“Why don’t you listen to your Dai-maa?”
Anima and Sara both startled by Aman’s voice, they did not notice him.
“Saab, nothing so serious, she…”
“You can go, now, I will take care of her”
Aman cuts Anima’s feeble voice curtly and moves his violent face to his
daughter,” Why are you doing so? You little stubborn! You are letting me down;
do you have any idea what you are doing? Just go and cut the cake and be happy.
Can’t you be happy?” Sara does not answer to her father. But tears are pouring
in her beautiful eyes and they start to come down.
“Now, now, don’t start to bring those filthy
tears. What is your problem? Don’t you have anything except those tears?” Aman
says through his clenched teeth, he wants to shout very badly but he can’t do
it now, as there are guests downstairs and if he makes a scene here, they all
can hear it. Instead of shouting, he comes closer to his crying daughter and
clasps her both arms tightly, “why don’t you listen to me? Don’t you understand
what I am saying to you, you little jerk! How dare you to disobey me?” Aman shakes Sarah violently and then loses
his hand suddenly. Sarah somehow manages not to fall and her tears coming more
rapidly. “I am telling you to not cry like a dumb stupid, but you continue to
disobeying me! You should get your punishment, silly girl.” Aman starts to move
to Sarah, like a predator. Sarah steps back, eyes wide, face ashen, she is
looking like a caged, helpless bird, in her inner mind, she is expecting her
mother, and why does not maa comes back? She promised to come to Sarah early,
today. Where is maa? Where are you maa? Sarah closes her eyes tightly as she
sees Aman comes closer to her and he carries a slick cane in his hand. Sarah
closes her eyes tightly and waiting for a violent hit.
"SARA !!"......a voice, the most beautiful
voice of Sara's world suddenly coming from the stairs and the fear is vanishing
like a magic, a warm feeling of safety washing through her little body and Sara
opens her eyes, only to see her mother, standing there, just in front of her.
She lands herself with full force to her ultimate savior and Jiah hugs her
tightly and patting slowly to calm down the little ranting sobs of the child,
her own eyes are also filling with tears now.
"Fantastic!
Beautiful! How nicely portrayed, Jiah, you make me feel that I am
watching a beautifully scripted scene, Darling! How do you manage the last
minute entry, every time? Wow, I don't know, perhaps I got married to a super
woman, Bravo!"
Aman's sharp
taunting voice cut the sweet re-union and Jiah moves fast to face her husband,
holding her daughter tightly in her side, " Don't try to understand
Aman", Keeping her voice ice cold she looks straight into his eyes,
"this is beyond your IQ, this is not your balance sheet or your business
deal. Now, if you please excuse us, we will be ready and go down on time."
Aman's sharp handsome face becomes grave but he does not
say anything and exits from the room without saying a word.
He does not want to fight with Jiah now, as he has another
plan to make this woman on her knees.
Tonight is going to be the most awaiting night for him.
"Mum....I... I .. was soo... frightn ....."
"Shhh...Baby.....it is okay darling....mom is here
with you, right? Now....let's go......this is your day, right? Give mom two
minutes and then we will go to the party, ok?"
A very beautiful smile splits Sara's face as she is
holding her mother's hand and going to her mother's room. Now she can enjoy her
evening to the fullest. Excitement boils in her vein and she squeezes Jiah's
palm softly. Jiah turns to give her an encouraging smile.
3
The night has fallen finally. After the sudden rain and
storm, the city is peacefully going to sleep. A soothing air slowly
conditioning the night with soft feathery hands. Sara is sleeping in her soft
pink bed. Jiah just kisses her forehead, pulls Sara's soft quilt around her
little body and turn off the air conditioner to turn on the fan. After doing
all this, Jiah is finally ready to go her room, actually her and Aman's room or
the room Aman shares with her.
Not only the room,
his bed also.
The same sharp voice hisses in Jiah's head. Jiah slowly
walks to her room. Her thoughts cocooning around her brain like a huge serpent.
Her feet ls walking towards the room but her brain are travelling someplace
else. Before entering the room Jiyah waits for a moment. She can smell the
intoxicating soft darkness of the room from outside. In closed eyes she can
sense that Aman is sitting with his favourite scotch in the adjacent balcony,
sipping it occasionally and waiting for his most favorite toy---- Jiah and Jiah
can almost see the triumphant smile which is currently playing in Aman's wet
beautiful lips. Jiah bites her lips so hard that it almost brings a tiny bit of
blood there. Jiah prepares herself to face the night.
Aman is getting a little impatient when he feels that
Jiah enters in the room. ‘Finally!’ He
thinks merrily and drinks his scotch once more. He is waiting for the moment
for a long time now. He knows Jiah will surely come to talk with him. She will
be angry, frustrated, and sad in her own way. She will never want to show her
broken heart to him, but the surprise she gets tonight, Aman can swear she
never ever expects. The regular interaction of night might be more interesting.
Aman can’t wait any more to see his wife’s face, her defeated gesture and he
would love to make her totally his, tonight. But, what’s wrong with Jiah? Is
not she spending too much time to come to him? Aman cannot wait a single
moment. He eagerly enters in his room and stands dumbfounded one moment. ‘Do I
drink too much tonight or am I sleeping?’ the room is lighted with soft blue
lights and there is a very sweet aroma fills the room and there are roses
everywhere. ‘Who decorates this?’ Aman is thinking in his mind when Jiah enters
the room from the attached bath. For a moment, Aman cannot move his eyes from
Jiah. She is looking fresh from her recent bath and beautiful as ever. Aman can
see her flawless skin, her beautifully sculpted figure through Jiah’s almost-transparent
lavender night-suit. Aman does not see any sadness or frustration in her
attitude. Aman sees Jiah is smiling to him, he cannot control himself anymore.
He is moving towards her and Jiah stepping back towards the bed, which is
beautifully decorated with flower and satin. Aman can see, the night is going
to be really longer.
4
It is a beautiful evening of autumn. Preparation of the
greatest festival of the city has started already. There are only three days
remaining and then the whole city will be celebrated Durga Puja. Jiah is sitting
in her office chair and she let herself relax after a full day of work. She
stands and moves slowly towards her seventeenth floor French window. The lights
of festival have started to blink everywhere. Jiah sips in her cup of hot milk
and places her forehead in the cool marble wall, she is feeling more tired
today. Closing her eyes, she slowly places her free hand in her bulging belly
and somehow wants to feel the sweet feeling, which she is enjoying for five
months now. Her phone rings and Jiah’s eyes flicker to the wall clock, it is
thirty minutes past five now. The face-splitting all-teeth smile has shown as
she notices the time, she does not need to see the phone to know who is
calling. She knows. Jiah returns her seat and picks her cell, “yes, Aman. I am
all right. Yes, yes, I took the medicines. You don’t need to come. Ok, as you
wish, I will be ready within 7:00 to leave the office. Yes, I love you too.”
Jiah’s smile gets broader as she disconnects the call. Jiah adjusts her
position more comfortably, stretches her legs and closes her eyes.
It is been seven months now. She can remember every
details of that evening. She can remember the invitation, the envelope. Jiah
pulls the drawer of her office table and bring out the silver-blue envelope,
which is cordially invited Mrs. Jiah Roy to the Grand exhibition of famous
fashion photographer Neel Sharma. Jiah feels the same feeling as she felt that
day, when she got the envelope in her office table with some other mails. And
she went to the exhibition one week later. And she faced Neel after seven long
years, as they promised. But it was a formal meeting. Jiah was there with her
full team and Neel was surrounded by media, people. And Jiah cannot take her
eyes off from Neel.
Jiah opens her eyes once again as the office clock
announces the time of six at evening in its musical tone. Her mobile also pings
at the same time and Jiah checks to see the confirmation message from Neel. He
has reached to his destination, far from this city, far from Jiah, again. But,
still he is very much with her. A small smile lights up Jiah’s face. But she
feels a small lump in her throat. She can meet with Neel, after how many days,
who know. Jiah bites her lower lip but cannot manage the warm water drops which
is rolling down through her checks. She rests her head to compose herself, she
cannot allow herself to get into the emotional path. She makes her own decision
and she is capable to maintain it. She cannot ruin the future she and Neel has
dreamt of.
They met after the exhibition, in the dinner party. Jiah
felt the desire to meet Neel again as soon as she left the party. She wanted to
dilute in Neel’s masculinity as she did, before. Her desire came true after two
days, in Neel’s five-star hotel’s privacy, where without them, no one was
present. They lost each other within themselves. Jiah could not make her eyes
shift from Neel’s beautifully sculpted body.
“What are you staring at?” Neel came to sit in the bed,
where Jiah was in her front, half wrapped in the satin sheets. Neel slowly
places his long fingers on Jiah’s bare back. She did not answer but her eyes
stacked to Neel’s. She was seeing Neel’s curved, slightly thick lips coming
closer to her and they again lost the track of time and place.
“What will we do now Jiah?” Neel asked her one
afternoon. They were lying in Neel’s hotel-suit enjoying each other’s embrace.
“I say or you say?” Jiah asked innocently and placed her
hand in Neel’s bare chest. Then raised herself in her elbow, and place her
there. She knew Neel could not say anything.
“I want something from you, Neel.” Jiah said in an
honest voice.
“Anything, you know.” Neel said.
“I tried to understand Aman and I failed Jiah. Though I
am the mother of his child but he remained a mystery to me…. A damn unsolved
mystery.” Anu said in her death-bed. Anu, Jiah’s elder sister, her best friend,
Sara’s birth-mother and Aman’s first wife. Sara was a month old when Anu had to
leave her family in a week’s fever. Jiah remembered Anu’s eyes echoing her
thought as if she knew Jiah will be in her place as Aman’s wife, within a month
or two. Seven years ago, what she tried to say, Jiah understands now. Aman can
only care for his heir and the bearer. Jiah refused to be the latter. Aman also
understands that. But, after meeting Neel, Jiah saw the escape route. Jiah made
Aman to see Neel’s invitation. She knows, Aman will try to take revenge to her
inviting Neel in Sara’s birthday party. She and Neel acted as they both were
very stunned. And that night, Jiah did not surrender herself but made Aman to
be her slave. That night and for the next few nights Aman was her subordinate,
in a true sense.
And that was the most convincing camouflage Jiah took
for Aman.
“I am not only a womb. I am not only the female organs.
I am the woman, who has her own will to choose the father of her child. Just
one time, I want to choose my destiny. Would you help me, Neel?” Jiah asked him
and she knows “yes” will be her much-awaited answer. In seven years she followed
Neel’s every progress and helped him in every way, she can. That was her
promise to him seven years ago. She kept her promise and Neel kept his, after
seven years he has come to her. Jiah knows what she wants from him, she cannot
bear the man’s child whom she hates from the core of her heart. She wants
Neel’s part within her to fulfil her life with his child…their coming child.
The clock announces the time of seven.
Jiah’s phone rings and she picks at second ring, “Yes,
Aman, I am coming.”
Jiah unlocks her cabin door then locks it for today, she
must go now. She and Aman have an appointment with the Gynaecologist.
For their coming child.
